A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A........
I
promised that my next post will be titled 'the anti-cancer mind and the
cancer prone personality' but I assure you it's a work in progress. This
blogging thing is not child's play. You have to research and I don't
like to read that much funny enough, I just prefer to think and write.
But all the same, it's coming.
I've decided to give regular updates on my health for anyone who cares to know now or in the future. I really have nowhere else to chanel my frustrations.
As it appears, people are giving up on me even before I give up on
myself. I at least made an effort to seek out my available options of
treatment which means that I want to prolong my life to any extent
possible or beat this disease. But everywhere I turn, it's the same
response and attitude.
First, I reached out to a 'charity
organisation' attached to a governor and best they could tell me was
there was nothing they could do since it had metastasized. In other
words, 'we only help the living not the dying'. One down, I reached out
to another one that has a very bright colour through an affiliate of
their's who happens to be my friend. I reached out to this same friend
during my first ordeal and she told me categorically that the foundation
will not assist me if I choose not to be treated here in Nigeria. She
even gave me the option of having surgery done in India and coming back
and the foundation will foot the bill for the drugs. I refused and
pressed on till I hit my mark and got the treatment I needed. Now this
time around, I have to write to the foundation myself requesting for
bla, bla, bla all on my own because all of a sudden she's in another
department.
Previous letters I wrote to a few 'first ladies' here
and there yielded nothing. Am I upset? Well, you guess? A country that
has no value for life and a doctor and supposed friend dealing with me
in a very cold hearted manner is enough to make me vent but how does
that help me? My point exactly!
As it is now, I'm practically
waiting for whenever to happen. And when that happens, it will be
because I couldn't afford the treatment and not that the treatment
didn't work. As it stands, I still have a chance of surviving this
ordeal because its only one area of my lung that's invaded. I have no
distant metastasis anywhere else. If I stay on then the cells will go on
to invade my lung tissue and I will basically choke to death. Breathing
is already a challenge. Am I scared? (Thinking long and hard) yea,
scared of losing my soul especially and scared of not fulfilling my one
desire. Its even more scary when people pray for me, I feel like they've
given up on me too. So it's left with me and my WILL to live. This is a
very lonely sickness I tell you. Calls stop coming, people stop
checking up on you and when you eventually leave, it's all about
eulogies, fb pages in your honour, months of grieving and the rest is
history. You can't hold it against anyone because it's human nature. God
chooses those He wants to help you. But just know that when you hear
'charity organisation or foundation' especially the ones with nice
looking offices, they have different aims and objectives. Apart from
charity organisations, I've often wondered what the politics behind
breast cancer is. Women world over wear pink ribbons and raise millions
of dollars to fund research that could potentially bring about a cure.
Yet, the best that can come out of it is drugs like Avastin, Herceptin
and others I don't know of yet. The first drug is for treating metastic
cancers like mine while the second drug treats hormonal responsive
breast cancers (I will explain later). Both which are just complimentary
drugs are wickedly (if there's a word like that) expensive. So what's
the aim really? Drugs that go for as much as $2000 per shot (depending
on the dose). I think It's time to stop racing for a cure. I know in
organised societies, govt funds these drugs so its accessible to
whoever needs it. But here, its straight out of your pocket. My doctor
has told me I will need this Avastin as a complimentary therapy to the
cocktail I will be on to enhance its effectiveness. I will need 6 shots
of it (all things being equal) and @ $2,000 per shot? That's my death
sentence right there. When I think about these things, its enough to
robb me of sleep and peace. But I'm no watchman, I will sleep and stay
balanced in all of this. I just want people to understand what this
disease (its character) really does to people and what young, once
agile, mobile and bubbly women like me go through day to day without aid
because I only wish this condition on satan himself. If you know how to
pray, pray harder now for good health and if you have it, be grateful
and never complain. What will I not give to have my life back?
Masi Sita Hanum
http://www.facebook.com/Myperspinktive
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